Seamless Storytelling

My dad is a storyteller. He can entertain with his words and make otherwise average stories funny. When I listen to him tell a story, my mind does not drift away to my To-do list or what I'm going to eat next.  Okay, sometimes I still think about food (chocolate), but you know what I mean.

He also likes to tell jokes. Only he tells them as stories, and you never know until he's done if he's building up to a story ending or a punch line. Most of the time it's a punch line.

Me, on the other hand? I'm not so good with the jokes. Never have been. Usually I can't keep a straight face. They usually go something like this:

"Wanna hear a joke? (no subtlety there!) Okay, there were three guys that walked into a bar. Or was is two guys and a girl? Um, I can't remember. Anyway, three people walk into a bar. I don't think it matters if they're guys or girls. One says to another... Oh, I can't remember how he said it. Maybe the girl said something first. Crap! I can't remember. But it was funny! You'll just have to trust me."

I know.  Lame.

Lucky for me, I'm the writing kind of storyteller, not the sit-around-the-table-chatting kind of storyteller. I can revise and change my story until it actually makes sense. At least that's the idea. I haven't actually got there yet...  :)

And now for my weekly writing quote:

"Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it."

-Hannah Arendt

* * * * *

Today's writing quote was taken from The Write Planner, my day planner designed for writers. To learn more about The Write Planner, click here

That Explains It!

A couple of years ago I began feeling nauseous.  You know, pregnancy-type queazy.  The problem was, I had an almost two year old, a not quite six month old, and nearly panicked with the idea of having another one added on to that.

It just couldn't be possible! Could it?

After a week or so of serious anxiety, an idea occurred to me. I had started taking a new multivitamin about the same time I began feeling "sick".

Could it really be that easy?

To my great relief, it was.

I stopped with the vitamins an voila!

They made a two-point shot, strait into the garbage!

Fast forward to two weeks ago.

Once again I decided to start taking a multivitamin. I chose a different brand, and hoped for the best.

The queasiness came back the first day!

Ugh! Could it really be so hard to add extra vitamins to my diet?

I had a new idea. I had been taking the vitamins in the morning, with breakfast. I changed to taking them at dinner. Maybe if I took them with more food I would be okay.

Guess what? It worked! No more pregnancy-like sick feeling. Hooray!

About a week into my new routine I was up late, unable to fall asleep - again! I needed to sleep. I needed to get up early. I had barely been able to stay away during the mid afternoon. Why couldn't I sleep now?

On a whim I headed toward the pantry. (Okay, it was probably more of a "search for a late night snack", but...)

While staring at the shelves, wishing for some zero-calorie chocolate to magically appear, I saw my vitamin bottle. Picking it up I read the following:

This product contains about as much caffeine as a cup of coffee.

Seriously??!!

No wonder I couldn't sleep at night. I'd just taken a caffeine pill with dinner!

Now I've moved onto option number three, taking it with lunch. If this doesn't work I'm swearing off vitamins forever!

It's Days Like These...

It's winter in Utah. Even if the calendar doesn't say so, twenty inches of snow does! It's cold. The roads are bad. Most of the time I just hide out at home. But even home is lacking a few of my dream necessities.

It's days like these that make we wish for three things.

1. A fireplace. I want to sit next to it, curled up in a blanket while reading a good book. I've got the blanket. I've got the book. I don't have the fireplace.
2. A big bathtub. You know, one for normal size people, not kids under five years old. I want to actually be able to lie down in it. That would be great. Oh, and the water needs to be hot. I mean, almost scalding. That would also be great.
3. Finally, an in-home-at-my-beck-and-call masseuse. I shoveled so much snow yesterday that my arms and hands were numb. Not from cold, but from overuse. I could barely hang up the laundry after dinner last night. Today, when I woke up I could barely move. My arms. My back. My neck. Even my legs! Ummm... Ouch!

Maybe I'll write to you-know who.

Dear Santa,

I've been really good this year. At least, I've tried. I tried not to laugh during that over-acted roll play training meeting. I tried not to eat all the chocolate in a three mile radius from my house. I tried not to neglect my kids while I finished "one more chapter". See list above for my heart's desires.

Love,

Kim

I fear his reply would be something like this:

Dear Kim,

I received your letter of request for Christmas. I've reviewed your actions for the past year. I've come to the conclusion that I will be filling your request, at least in part. You've asked for much. Personally, I think you're being a little greedy. I'll tell you what. You get your own bath tub, and I'll send some bath salt. You get your own massuese and I'll take advantage of a nice massage when I'm there on Christmas Eve dropping off your coal (that goes in the fireplace you are in charge of getting yourself).

How does that sound?

Have a Merry Christmas. (Try harder next year.)

Love,

Santa

Optimistic Mondays – Sting Like A Bee

My husband has an enormous fear of bees. Seriously. If you want to see me run away screaming like a girl, put a spider near me. If you want to see him do it, well...okay; he doesn't really scream like a girl, but he does run away. I'm called in to be his protector. (Just like when I make him "deal" with the spider.)

I was stung by a bee once. Actually, it was on my first date with my now-husband. The darn thing flew inside my shirt and stung my stomach. When I grabbed at my shirt and pulled the bee away from my body, it bit my thumb. Ouch. Hubby was brave then, I don't remember any screaming or running. Good thing too, since we were in his truck, driving down the road.

Today, the weather was near perfect. The temperature was a comfortable 70 degrees, and there was no wind. My family was spending some leisurely time hanging out in the back yard. My three-year old daughter was standing next to me, when she winced and started to cry. Then she started screaming. Her dad and I both tried to figure out what was wrong, and eventually found a bee inside her dress.

The bee sealed his own fate when he stung my little girl. If the act of stinging her was not enough to kill it, Daddy took care of the rest.

Fifteen minutes later, and a few pieces of chocolate too, the pain was going away. Did you know that chocolate has healing powers? It does. But two Hershey's Kisses weren't quite enough, we had to up the dosage to three.

I never would have hoped for my daughter to get stung, but there is a positive way of looking at it. I now know she's not allergic to bees. If it happens again, in a more remote area, I know she will cry, and then probably demand chocolate, but I also know I will not be faced with a medical emergency.

That brings peace of mind to a mother's soul. What more could any mother ask for on Mother's Day?

Optimistic Mondays – New Diet Plan

I'm stealing this from a signature line I saw on an email. It makes me laugh every time I read it, and I hope it brings a smile to your face too.

Wheat for man. D&C 89:17

Chocolate for woman. M&M 24:7

Words to live by!

Happy Monday.